Showing 1-30 of 43 "Grandma told me not to 'squirrel' you...
She and Anne saw two squirrels doing the deed, then the male squirrel ran off when it was over. I'm slightly offended she compared me to a hit-and-run rodent. I just want you to know that I want to share my branch and acorns with you, it's not just physical."
― Robin Alexander
"Just a woman honestly offering her heart and hoping that it will be taken by someone who'll cherish it"
― Robin Alexander, Pitifully Ugly
"Where ya goin'?" Coleen asked. "I'm taking Lena to dinner, then we're going dancing." Coleen threw a hand on her hip. "You don't smell the gumbo that's been cooking all day? It's your favorite. I stuffed every aquatic creature I could find into that pot. Claws and legs are hanging out all over the place." "I'll have some tomorrow," Jorie said as she caught one of the screws that dropped from the blade. "I made pie, damn it. Pecan, just because I know you love it. Bring that woman here for dinner and save yourself a buck or two." "Oh, no," Jorie said with a laugh. "I really like her. It's too soon to expose her to an Andolini dinner."
― Robin Alexander, Just Jorie
"[O]ut of the blue Sophie asked, "Aunt Faith, what's a vibrator?"
Faith was in mid-swallow and choked on her coffee.
...
"Baby, where'd you hear that?"
...
"My momma was on the phone with her friend Ms. Kim last night, and she said that Lottie Bishop kicked her in the crouch so many times that she didn't know if she'd ever be able to take her vibrator for a test spin again."
― Robin Alexander, The Summer of Our Discontent
"I would give as much as she desired and take as much as she allowed"
― Robin Alexander
"I've taken my love life into my own hands . . . please don't read too much into that statement."
― Robin Alexander, Next Time
"I need one, Momma, how come I don't have a baby sister?"
Rachel smiled. "You're so perfect. There was no need to ask for another."
Sophie cocked her head to the side like a puppy. "Ask who?"
"The Stork," Faith supplied.
Sophie looked thoroughly confused then. "I thought sex caused babies."
Rachel patted Faith on the back when she began to cough.
Kaycee shook her head. "Rhonda at school told me that special music causes babies. her sister told her that when her mom and dad play music in their bedroom, babies were being made. Momma, you play music in your room, but we don't have a baby."
"I don't have that particular CD, sweetie."
"My friend told me that it takes a penny and a Virginia to make a baby," Sophie said and sent Faith into another coughing fit."
― Robin Alexander, The Summer of Our Discontent
"What's the most important thing in life?" Coleen asked.
"Pie," Charlie said with a grunt. "Pass it, Momma."
Coleen was undeterred and stares at Lena, awaiting an answer.
"Love? Respect?"
Coleen stabbed the table with her finger. "Family. Most of the time, you don't love or respect them, but they're important."
― Robin Alexander, Just Jorie
"I may become weak and start listening to what my body has to say more than my brain. So I elect you the responsible one."
"I've been crazy about you since we met. You've elected Bill Clinton president of the chastity club."
― Robin Alexander, Next Time
"So, Shannon," she said as she put on her seat belt. "Tell me all about yourself." I hated to hear that question. Just once, I wished I had the girlballs to say, I work for the federal government in a department that I cannot disclose, but I can tell you that I'm trained to kill using nothing more than a toothpick. So when you say you'll call, you damn well better do it..."
― Robin Alexander, Pitifully Ugly
"Were you backing it up on the fridge?" [Jet]
"I was…uh…was…removing smudges with my butt. Did you forget something?" [Shawna]
"My laptop. I have a paper due Monday for English. I'll just go get that now," Jet said, still looking disconcerted as she left the room.
"I saw a smudge, and I rubbed my butt on it. That's perfectly normal," Shawna called after her."
― Robin Alexander, Patty's Potent Potion
"It became a habit, and as time went by, I built a fortress of fear around me, and now I'm trapped behind walls of my own making."
― Robin Alexander, Scaredy Cat
"...You agreed we would be fearless together. I'm gonna need you to keep your promise," Haley said a little loudly. Falon's office door opened, and Del stepped inside. "I heard a raised voice," she said and gave Haley the eye. "Were you out there listening to our conversation?" Falon snapped. "Yes," Del said unabashedly with her gaze locked on Haley. "I'm Falon's bodyguard. Don't let my manicure, impeccable high and lowlighted hair, and makeup fool you. I can have a shoe off my foot in less than half a second and peck you full of holes with the heel before you even know what hit you." "Del!" Falon exclaimed as she hopped off her stool. "Honey, that might've scared me before I met Falon, but I've let monkeys climb in my shirt, and I'm about to get a tattoo." Haley stepped up to Del. "Bring. It. On."
― Robin Alexander, Fearless
"I clutched her hand and pulled it to my chest. "Make me a promise, Reagan," I whispered.
"Anything, name it."
"If I ever treat you anything less than precious, promise that you'll tell me so and remind me of this conversation."
"I promise, and promise me that you'll do the same."
We linked our fingers as we did sitting in my car, which seemed like a lifetime ago. The feeling of that connection was the last thing I was aware of before we both drifted off to sleep."
― Robin Alexander, Gift of Time
"Aw," Dana said when they'd put some distance between them and Evan. "He loves you."
"Dana, that's what boys say when they don't really know you but want to have sex with you. He's lucky I didn't go back and punch him in the mouth."
― Robin Alexander, Always Alex
"So…just to be totally clear, you are a lesbian, right?" Lydia met Harper's gaze. "I am, and I'm damn proud of it." "That's pretty cool." "Glad you think so," Lydia said with a smirk. "I'd hate to get another detention for painting you and this ugly-ass badger."
― Robin Alexander
"...Do you need a hug?" Payton asked with a smile. Ryann chuckled as Payton walked around the kitchen cabinet and held open her arms. "Come on in." Ryann wrapped her arms around Payton's waist and set her chin on her shoulder. "I made that stupid Silent of the Lambs threat again, and she corrected me. That made me furious." Payton snorted with laughter as she wrapped her arms snugly around her. "Did you ever see the movie?" "No, I don't like serial killer flicks. Shelly told me about it." "I didn't think so. The killer didn't make meat suits, he took their skin. So when you want to sound really vicious, you say something like… 'I'll skin you and wear one of your ass cheeks like a beanie.'" "That's really gross," Ryann said as she continued to hold on. "But I suppose 'I'll snap you like a broomstick' doesn't have the same effect."
― Robin Alexander, Next Time
"When the call ended, Haley went back into the bedroom where Falon was lying in bed with an arm over her eyes.
"That was Cindy, right?" Falon asked.
"Yes, and my parents are driving her crazy. I have to call them. If you want a laugh, listen to my half of the conversation."
Haley climbed into the bed next to Falon and leaned her back against the headboard. She blew out a breath and pressed a button on her phone. "Hey, Dad, I'm… I am fine… yes, I can hear you both… Well, I'm sorry… I am fine," Haley said forcefully. "No… no… I mean it, no. I'm a grown—late tonight. No… no… absolutely not. Neither of you drive at night—no. I said no. I'm fine… I am fine… no." She grinned at Falon when she laughed softly. "I'm not alone… no. Another ship passenger—female. No… I know. I'm a grown woman! Yes, I realize that—no! Well, this is why…. no. Yes, but don't show up before dawn. No. That doesn't make any sense, no. This call is a dollar a minute… no. Yes, you can bring breakfast. Yes, I will do that—I just said I would do that. Yes… no. Yes. I love you, too, bye."
"That was exhausting," Falon said with a laugh when
Haley released a heavy breath and dropped her phone into her lap."
― Robin Alexander, Fearless
"She blew out a sigh and focused her attention on the students in her class taking a test. There was nothing like a teenage boy cleaning his ears with the eraser of his pencil to squelch sexual desire."
― Robin Alexander, Next Time
"...Rusty followed. "You should probably pull out your gun. Whatever is in there made enough noise to make me believe it wasn't a bug." Kirsten's stride faltered, and she came to a stop at the door. "Okay, I'm gonna come clean right now. I cannot stand rats or mice. Snakes scare me less. So if I get in there and I see a furry vermin, I will scream like a little girl. If you tell anyone you witnessed that, I will ticket you every time you pull out of your driveway. Are we clear?" "Are you sure you don't want me to go to the store?" Kirsten met Rusty's gaze. "Are you clear on what I just said?" "Yep."
― Robin Alexander, Rusty Logic
"How was practice?" Shawna asked when Jet walked into the kitchen. "You must've worked hard again, you smell like a wet puppy." "We did." Jet grabbed a bottle of water from the refrigerator. " Your buddy said she was proud of us today." "That's good." Shawna smiled as checked on their dinner. " Are you starting to like her now?" I don't want to beat her with my flagpole anymore, but I wouldn't say I like her. Now your other friend is all up in the punch. Mrs. Scofield was at practice today passing out chocolate milk and telling us what to do with our glitter," Jet said and took a drink of her water. Shawna glanced at Jet. "What're you going to do with the glitter?" "Put it on my eyelids. Personally, I think we're gonna look like sparkly hookers, but makeup isn't my call..."
― Robin Alexander, Patty's Potent Potion
"...Bryan pumped his fist. "Stakeout! Will I be in plain clothes?" "Wear whatever you want as long as it's dark," Kirsten answered with a smile. "Permission to get snacks for my stakeout, ma'am!" Bryan said loudly as he sprung to attention."
― Robin Alexander, Rusty Logic
"...Stella's tiny butt stuck in the air as she stretched to reach a weed. She was wearing a pair of jeans and a button-down pink and white checked shirt that was tucked into the elastic waistband of her pants. She reminded Rusty of an elf. "Excuse me, Stella?" "You stop right there if you have trouble on your mind. As you can see, I have plenty of birds, and I'll knock you out with one of them," Stella said without looking up. Rusty wanted to say that she'd yank up her own plastic flamingo and work Stella over with it in a heartbeat. Instead, she took a calming breath and said, "I made something you might like to have." "If it's a grenade launcher, I'm listening, Achmed."
― Robin Alexander
"Let's get to our site," Anne said. "I'm gonna need a nap before the hunt…and lunch." "Do you wish you would've gotten that rental car this morning?" Jill whispered as Anne and Ella settled into their seats. Shay nodded. "Uh-huh." Jill had seen many campgrounds, but her jaw sagged, and her foot slipped off the gas pedal twice. Sally rolled on slowly as she stared at the cadre of camouflaged vehicles and tents. One man sat atop his RV in a lawn chair, his binoculars trained on the woods beyond. "They really do take this seriously," Shay whispered in awe. "This is like a militaristic zone." Jill backed into a slip covered with a quilt of netting and camouflage tarps strung from the trees high overhead. "What is the reason for all of this?" she asked. "The campground is designed to blend in with nature to be more welcoming to the Bigfoot," Anne explained. "That's what they told us when we checked in." "Oh, is that it? Well, let me just craft a banner that says, 'We come in peace or bite-sized pieces,"' Jill said with a sardonic laugh."
― Robin Alexander, The Trip
"Shelly looked around the jamb again as though whatever animal that had been terrorizing her had a weapon. "That doesn't look like typical rat shit. You may be right. This needs to be handled right now. You're a lesbian, get in there and do battle." "What does being gay have to do with trapping a squirrel?" "Two women live together, who kills the vermin?" Shelly asked with a hand on her hip. "The pest control people, that's who." "Butch up and get your ass in there. I won't tell anyone if you scream like a five-year-old girl." "I'm a femme lesbian, which puts me in the same class as you." Ryann pointed to her face. "Note the makeup. Besides, you were the one who always played in the dirt and rode horses." "There weren't any squirrels in that dirt with me! I'll pick up a bug or a frog, I even handled a grass snake once, but I do not deal with rodents." Ryann leaned against the doorjamb and stared into the room. "It's most likely under the couch. Where's Grant?" "After-school detention for piercing his and the noses of his friends with pushpins." Ryann stared at her in horror. "What is wrong with your kids?"
― Robin Alexander, Next Time
"So again, why are you climbing a tree?" Christine asked as she shielded her eyes from the sun. She and everyone else sat around on blankets watching Kellen help Stevie put her gear on. "I wanted to learn how to do it, and Kellen fixed up this dead tree for me. I want to show off my new skills, too, because Linden made fun of me," Stevie said and struck a pose. "Be still, I'm trying to connect the climb line to your saddle," Kellen said, focused on the task. Kenzie climbed onto Trent's shoulders and made a face. "Uncle Linden says Aunt Stevie's gonna break her butt." "Thanks, Linden," Stevie said and shot him a look. "She won't." Kyle laughed. "I've never seen so much safety equipment in my life. Kell, you forgot to bubble wrap her butt before you put the saddle on." "Where'd you get them giant pads from?" Walt asked. "They're the ones the track team at the school used to use for pole vaulting." Kellen adjusted the chinstrap on Stevie's helmet. "This is our exercise tree." Stevie patted the trunk. "I want iron legs like Kellen's, so she topped it for me, cut most of the branches off, and put out the pads. See how she spoils me?" "Yeah, she gave you what looks like fifty feet of dead tree," Kyle said with a grin. "Most people just get flowers." Trent snorted. "Nothing says love like a fifty-foot stump." Kellen double-checked her own gear just in case Stevie got into trouble and she had to go up for her. "Okay, babe, don't go past the fifteen-foot mark, trust your saddle when your legs get tired, pay attention to the depth of your spikes." She patted Stevie's cheek and whispered, "Now show them your monkey."
― Robin Alexander, Kellen's Moment
"...I think I saw something orange pass beneath a streetlight. That means she turned the corner on Pecan Street. Wait right here, and I'll get my car." Stella grabbed Mona's arm. "There's no time. Follow me and keep your mouth shut." Instead of going to the street, Stella crept through a yard. "This is crazy, I can't see a thing. Stella, we could break a leg." "I told you to be quiet. I know these yards as well as I know my own. Stay behind me." She led Mona behind a large azalea bush close to the sidewalk. They hid there as Rusty approached, and she was almost on top of them when Mona sneezed. Rusty stopped, put her hands on her hips, and said, "I know you're in there." Neither Stella nor Mona made a peep. "I think I understand why you feel the need to watch me. I'm new around here, so let me introduce myself. My name is Rusty Martinez. I'm a businesswoman, and I have no intention of breaking into anyone's home. I'm simply out for exercise, so you have nothing to worry about." "Okay, well, you have a nice night," Mona said cheerily. Rusty recoiled at the response. "Um…you too," she said quickly and jogged away. Stella groaned. "Your mother obviously didn't teach you how to properly conduct a mission, did she?" "If you mean how to hide in a bush, then no."
― Robin Alexander, Rusty Logic
"There was nothing like a teenage boy cleaning his ears with the eraser of his pencil to squelch sexual desire."
― Robin Alexander, Next Time
"How do you wash your clothes?" "Sally has a small washer and dryer." "Sally?" Selene said. "Who is that?" "The Winnebago we're traveling in. Long story, but my dad likes to name inanimate objects." "Ah, that makes perfect sense. The copier at our office is named Hateful Bitch."
― Robin Alexander, The Trip
"Seriously, we all need someone in our lives who love us for who we are and challenge us to be better human beings."
― Robin Alexander, There You Are
Just Jorie
Pitifully Ugly
The Summer of Our Discontent
Always Alex
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